Money worries

Last week was one of the worst weeks I'd had in a long time, I'm doing some intensive work with my counsellor and she had warned me that I would feel 'unbalanced'. I told her that I didn't want to drag it all up again as it felt like I was making huge strides and I felt that there was no point but she assured me that all the feelings are still inside and need to be let out so that I can be freed. I liked the sound of the freedom part but I'm not liking the unbalanced at all. I don't want to feel angry, resentful, hurt again, I've had enough of that but I just cant seem to get out from under the cloud of it all and the cloud descended again last week - big time!
My car broke down on New Years Eve, a big breakdown that threatens to send it up to Mercedes heaven and although for the first month I was all positive and prepared to take the time to decide what to do, walking to work and back and researching train fares, it all came crashing down around me last week. We had a bad storm and all that remained of the battered fencing held together by washing line and hope in the back garden, finally gave up the ghost and an expensive job that I was hoping to put off just that bit longer needed to be done urgently. My neighbours have a three year old, two dogs and a short fuse so the holes in the fencing were a worry and a pot that was being to boil more fiercely as each month went by. In this country the rule is that the fencing on the left side of your garden is your responsibility and during my time on this earth I have concluded that nothing causes more arguments between neighbours than boundary's (apart from badly parked cars but we'll get to that in a minute)
So before the pot boiled over completely, and having heard my neighbour boil I wasn't at all keen to have it happen in my direction, the money that had made the car disaster feel not too disastrous had to be used to buy fence panels instead and to pay for a man with tools and strength to do the job. Well, I reasoned, still quite positive at this point, it was on the list to do and was all an investment in the house so the bathroom could wait another couple of months and I could carry on walking a bit longer as the exercise was doing me good.

But with a bad cold and bad weather getting me down that resolve had slipped last week and to top it off it just so happened that on the day I parted with that money, over £700 another neighbour decided to get nasty about where the recovery truck had left my unshiftable car and that helpless, alone, whoa-is-me feeling descended again like a tonne of bricks. Something would have to be done about the car - more money - and then just in case I had an ounce of inner strength left, the cat was bitten again by the neighbourhood monster cat which preys on every moggy in the area on a regular basis and before his tail falls off completely a large vet's bill could be on the cards. Great.

I went from feeling proud of myself, competent and capable in my new life to scared and shattered again in less than a week. Did I mention the gas and electricity bill?