I yelled at the universe today, driving in my car yelling out of the windscreen up at the sky like a madwomen " if your listening to the thoughts in my head I'm going to just stop thinking because its not working and your just listening to the negative. There are lots of very positive thoughts, I've told you what I want clearly, can you give me the positive ones for gods sake!" I was fuming " are you listening???"
I was driving over to pick up my son for an emergency doctors appointment as an ultrasound has shown the lump he has could be cancerous. I'm sick of this, it's getting to the point that I'm wondering if any of this positive action and thought works as I feel like I've been running through mud and going one step forwards, two steps back for years! We're keeping positive right now, it seems to be an isolated lump and we still don't have it confirmed yet so no need to panic. That seems very cold but as a family there has been a lot of serious illness in the last few years and doctors and hospitals are familiar territory. I've had major operations myself with years of tests so I know the score. We've waited for news in the past and its been the worst news and I know there is absolutely nothing you can do about it, call it self protection or aversion to unnecessary drama because frankly we've had enough of that. My son is not disturbed right now, I am expecting a wobbly moment at some point when the news sinks in and I'll be there for him. I wonder if I lost my job so I can be there for him? I'll not be much use to him in jail because I can't pay my bills though will I universe! Are you listening???
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