Not just me then

We've spent Easter redecorating my daughter's bedroom. I say redecorating because I'd already done it once but now instead of buying wallpaper for the chimney breasts we have new paper in her room and the chimney breasts will have to wait until next month! It does look lovey though. Why did I redo it you might ask?
She spent an evening at our old house and came home and broke down. I still haven't really got to the bottom of why but she had gone upstairs to her old bedroom and although it has a new bed, the wallpaper, curtains and carpet are still hers. A bit like me with the pillows, she was suddenly transported back and she missed it very much. She wanted her room here at Ambleside to look just the same as that room, the room she said 'where she was safe'
I suspect as well as missing the room, she misses the safety of her 'fake Dad' They had been very close and of course she didn't have the turmoil associated with the house that I had. By the end I had grown to hate it but to her it was home. He had clearly grown very tired of all of us over the last year of our time together and was relieved to be rid of us all. He packed everything up in her room within a day when I got the keys to this house while she was at school and he had her moved out and her room made into a guest room within a couple of days. It was no surprise to me that he could be that heartless but it really shocked her.
I think wanting her room to look just like her old one has something to do with letting go of those days and then also wanting to go back to feeling 'safe' as so much of her life is changing now as she grows up. She has begun driving lessons, she's starting work, the world is opening up and although she's excited, she's letting go of childhood too and she's stuck between two worlds. I was quite prepared to indulge her as I know just how she feels, as I am doing the same.I've chosen not to have a new relationship yet, I will when I'm ready and that is my future but for now I'm in limbo, no longer in the old but not in the new and I want to stay here for as long as I need to. If we both stayed 'stuck' that wouldn't be good but I won't let that happen.

The DIY shop that we bought her original wallpaper from went into liquidation so we found a very similar one and we have transformed her room into her old one. This could seem very unhealthily, worryingly disturbed but I prefer to see it as a very positive step, that she has self nurtured. She recognised what she needed and took part in giving it to herself. She did all the painting and has added different touches in new curtains and lampshades that aren't like her old room at all which is a positive step forward. I suspect when she's ready the wallpaper will be changed again and it will be interesting to see when that will be but for now she has her old room back and it's made her very happy. Isn't that what all this is about?

As usual we always have our little helpers :-)