Lost

Don't worry this blog isn't going to be all doom and gloom and self pity! I asked myself why I'm writing it as I keep hand written diarys and have for years, so why do I feel the need to share with strangers something very personal? Well there is the answer, it's the sharing. Sometimes you feel so isolated, as very often you walk away from your whole life and everything changes. Many people can't stay in the place they've known as home and have to move, which is incredibly tough when your going through such heartache, that your forced to loose your familiar surroundings as well.

 

When I left all I wanted to do was to go 'home' I left everything, only taking a few posessions and I loved the house that we had created. I wanted to go back to my kitchen, make a cup of tea for my family, clean my surfaces and load the dishwasher, back to my familiar routines but I couldn't, I had to force myself to stay away and I felt so lost. Friends where sympathetic but they didn't understand how every minute of everyday was so hard because of that loss too which to me meant so much. Where I was staying wasn't home, it didn't smell right,the chair I sat in wasn't mine and the bed I slept in was all wrong. It wasn't only that he wasn't in it wrapped around me while I fell asleep which was agony enough but it was that every familiar thing I knew and valued so much was gone too.